meow

yes man is crossed off the list. :) 24 to go. cassie, you better invite me to one soon :p I'm sleepy... I go night night. maybe benjamin button. hint hint. :)

besos

fuck the snow. not literally... that could lead to frostbite.

for all you christians lighting your menorah for kwanzaa

dear loyal blog readers. I am waiting for my movie to load, apparently the remote has been kidnapped, i expect to see a ransom note on the door tomorrow. I'll give them anything if they just promise not to hurt it :(

but alas, with my remote somewhere remotely outside of my vision, i am forced to sit through all the damn previews. stupid previews. I hate them. I am going to watch the dark knight. I figure, it's dark outside, and it's night. talk about a stroke of serendipity. as many of you know, I am pretty intelligent. well... apparently on facebook... the game who has the biggest brain. which is fabulous... and something everybody should damn well play. well... apparently, I'm third in the entire state of utah. and quite frankly I will be number one very shortly. So to you, all of my minions, play the game. You'll love it. it's quite addictive, mind you.

Christmas is upon us. i wish everybody the best christmas ever. If you're jewish, your hanukkah has already started, and I hope it's going along with complete glick and shalom. kwanzaa starts tomorrow. I hope it is full of Nzuri and chakula. and both you jews and kwanzaanites, be careful with those candles. Christians, go easy on the egg nog and keep your lights free of frays or exposed wiring. okay... my movie is starting. kwaheri!

ps. i have to wake up early as shit. boo cock bananas. :(

cry
sigh
byebye

stream of consciousness

this is what happens when I sit down and write non-stop for five minutes. no editing. I think my brain tried to be clever.

You tell me you can't find something you're not looking for,
and I reply sometimes things find us.
a terse response from your constricted mouth,
I say you don't speak with intention,
you tell me you don't intend to.
Will I come between you and him
or will he come between us.
you can't see with your eyes closed,
but you can't dream with your eyes open.
doubt becomes regret,
but I doubt you regret it.
you can't be empty
if you're so full of yourself,
you can't help me
if I don't need your help.
silence and hushed sentences
are better than yelling true feelings
my past is your future,
and your future hasn't passed,
but when it does I'll be waiting
for you to wait for me again.
I haven't outgrown you,
I haven't grown at all,
but you groan all the time.
you're just about to fall,
but still I fall for you.
You don't listen to me,
and neither does my heart.
you don't like to finish,
and I don't like to start.
and when we're together
you wish we were apart.
You'll get over this,
but this boy won't get over you.
you can't accept imperfection,
and I can't perfect acceptance.
but what does time matter
when it's already passed you by
and what do tears stand for
when you don't know why you cry.
your kiss is charity,
and what a charitable kiss.
you're the one I miss
but I'm the one you've misplaced.
You mistook me as your favorite,
but your my favorite mistake.
you're sick of loving me
but not loving you makes me sick.
you walk all over me,
and I walk beside you.
your eyes drive me crazy
but mine just drive you away.
I don't mind your make up,
but my mind is made up,
you can't make my mind up.
you say I'm too hung up
and that's why you hang up the phone
I wish you wouldn't leave
you wish I'd leave you alone.
I want to be more than friends
but friends is more than you want to be.

if i were crazy i would write poetry. all day.

walking down the head with my sidewalk

alone with pizza

and onion clouds

full of bees

that are angry

for all the wrong reasons

the bird walked into the door

because he forgot

to shave

newspaper clippings don't seem to gather dust

but guitars sure do.

if it rained upside down

that would be weird

because carpet isn't always green

and neither is green

but blue is.

walls that are ceilings

don't breathe like a normal rollercoaster

they open their hair

but that only makes them look

like makeup.

cows can't eat the moon

because their shirts are too tight.

crazy ladies where

olives on their fingers

and shout

I need pantyhose.

trees aren't penguins

but only because

of what children say

to their imaginary cauliflower

and also because

your foot fell asleep

listening to his mother

and crying like a cucumber

crackers grow on trees

but they don't follow orders

unless you shout

fat people wear yellow shorts

pizza can't climb trees

but the telephone doesn't listen

to the green pumpkin

down the street

the fat kid shit himself

luckily he wasn't wearing

girls underwear or mashed potatoes.

because then his mother

would call the fire department

to watch a movie

but no popcorn

because of backpacks

full of airplanes

if rivers were made of chocolate

i wouldn't wear bologna

the little boy down the street

would have more feet

or at least some graham crackers

if grandma's dress wasn't too short

for me to wear

underneath my dog

metal doesn't taste like chicken

and square soccer balls

weigh more

than full grown swimming pools

the wind doesn't taste good

I can't figure out blue

every bird I have talked to

wished they weren't so tired

maybe they should stop

shitting on peoples toupees

and take naps instead

or drink gatorade.

salt doesn't taste sweet

very often but when it does

you know that the granola in your hair

isn't upset at you

he's just afraid of tacos.

that's what I miss about rocks

and running isn't fun unless

you have one leg

lizards don't open their mouths much

but when they do make them swallow

bean burritos

sometimes they'll be so full

they might say

fuck, I'm one full lizard.

then clowns might remember

that even construction workers

eat bananas once in awhile.

and so is a palm tree

after all they are second cousins

and everyone knows what they say

about bowling pins.

or does a crayon perceive

the sleeping tiger

as one unfortunate refrigerator

full of pickles and

cartoon characters

midgets with genital warts

shouldn't be allowed to skydive

and neither should peanut butter

because gorillas

pick their noses

more often than

a picture of cows

wearing nothing but

shoes that are too big for them

it makes you wonder if

plastic breasts

have fights with trains.

25 don't miss movies (that i missed)

as 2008 comes to a close, i realized I have not seen many movies, and there are a lot that I want to see. So, I am making a list of movies from 2008 that I have not yet seen, but would like to see within the next year. feel free to add any that you think I must see.

slumdog millionaire
man on wire
wall-e
milk
standard operating procedure
the wrestler
synecdoche
happy go lucky
burn after reading
vicky christina barcelona
rachel getting married
doubt
ghost town (i love ricky gervais)
the curious case of benjamin button
choke
paranoid park
my winnipeg
yes man
hunger
trouble the water
funny games
chop shop
4 months 3 weeks and 2 days
lat den ratte komma in (the best vampire movie of 2008 i hear)
the boy in the striped pyjamas

that's 25. I'll watch one this year, and then two a month in 2009. that's the goal.

side note. insomnia still fellates a large throbbing ungulate phallus.

and... I still don't have a phone... and I don't imagine me getting one in the immediate future. I'm probably going to order one from ebay... it'll probably take a few days to ship... so not until after christmas at least. tear, cry, sad face, frown, temper tantrum.

shit... somebody remind me to take my library books back asap. eek.

i go night night.

love you all.

wen wen

jew should listen to this...

if you haven't listened to the erran baron cohen album... songs in the key of hanukkah, please do. also, check out his band zohar. I currently can't get enough of them :) I am about sick of working 12 hours six days a week. stupid. and dumb. only a few more days of that non-sense though.

i need a haircut.

i want to learn to speak ladino.

besos

bitchy lane

pilot to co-pilot; are you there?
navigating through a cloudy mess
breathing through thin air.
clouds of smoke, teardrop rain
you've flown through every sky
but they're all the same.
2 am. an aimless flight,
you see everything ahead of you
but there's nothing in sight.
the passengers are faceless
on this empty plane.
you've flown to every placeless face
but they're all the same.

I have become a recluse. I lots my phone saturday, and have not had contact with the outside world. I haven't shaved in weeks and look like a more handsome version of the una-bomber. I can be seen perambulating through my house in my pajamas with the footsies (so cute) or my soft and fluffy pink bathrobe. my days the same. busy, uneventful, and completely asocial. i am like a drone. I feel like a bystander watching my life go by. I feel no happiness, no pain, no emotion. I am a worker bee, guided by some olfactory perversion of a molecular pheromone. i have nightmares everynight. They don't bother me per se. but it's an odd and random occurrence. I don't fear going to bed. I like it. It may be a horrible place where horrible things happen and my heart bursts at the seams and swells with fear and apprehension. but it's better than feeling nothing. For those that know me closely, There's a hidden issue that hasn't been resolved, and my prefrontal cortex processes it nightly. I've come to the realization that I don't like or trust most people, and I fear that I will be alone. Not because I can't find anybody, but because I don't want anybody. I look at girls, and it seems that they just can't see a great catch when it's right in front of their eyes. I feel like I stand head and shoulders above the rest, but nobody ever seems to see it that way. and ultimately, that means my view of the world is jaded. not theirs. I can think that I deserve the world as far as a partner goes, but if nobody else thinks that, I'm wrong. point blank. The only common denominator in my failed relationships is me. and fortunately, unfortunately, importantly, unimportantly, I can't change that. I long for the person who comes along and sees me as the most wonderful person in the world. I think that navigational myth set sail a long time ago. It has no doubt been sea wrecked, and all I hold on to is nostalgia and saudade. For the first time in my life I feel bitter. I feel unappreciated. and that is so unlike me. I feel alone, desolate, isolated and out of touch. maybe it's the winter. it feels as though the cold air has chilled my bones and chilled my heart. I will snap out of it I hope. My goal is to coast through the next two weeks in a somnabulatory zombie-like state. to wrap myself in a coccoon made of the absence of expectations and emotions. I hope to break free on new year's eve. I had better, reiterate, better get a new year's kiss. if not, it will be one of the saddest days of my life. that sounds like one of the most absurd things in the world no doubt, but for me, it is, always has been, and always will be an important symbolic event. I have not not had one in ten years. and it had better happen this year. readers of my blog. make it happen. anyone with an x chromosome will do. but damnit it had better be an amazing night or i will be devastated.

okay. so the award for most pathetic blog ever goes to me for this entry. yay!

just a bit of a funk i suppose. I'm positive about it though. I know my life is great and full of great things and great people, but only so many people, so many things can let you down before you step into a transitory funk. No worries friends. i will re-emerge, i think. But to anybody who wants to take me by the hand, pull me up from the quicksand of self-pity, please do. I could use a boost, I could use social interaction, and I could use displays of appreciation.

love you all. kisses.

oh ps... on a lighter note. I wrote a quiz for potential mates with random questions to test their intelligence, practical intelligence etc. etc. I want people to take it so I can get an idea of what the average score is going to be. but... you must take it away from a computer so you can't use the google or anything. I would love to have volunteers, or even people to give the test to their friend just so I can come up with an average. just no google or computer or reference or any of that stupid cheater shit :p please let me know if you would be willing to take the test or find me a friend... boy, girl, hermaphrodite, whatever, that would be willing to take the test.

again. sorry for my bitchy mood this evening. I need a mydol.

I'll leave you with a joke to lighten the mood

Q: Why do bicycles fall over?
A: Because they are two-tired!

nanananananananana she's got the look

the look by the roxette's. love it. listening to it now.

governor of chicago is a silly douchebag. lol.

wen wen

more random than the usual randomness

as i sit in my pink bathrobe with a heating pad strewn about my lap, one thought enters my mind; it's fucking cold. Winter is officially upon us. and by officially upon us, i mean by my definition of the commencement of the winter season... the first time I have to scrape my windows. That day was yesterday. welcome winter, you wonderful white fuck :(

So, something clicked for me today. I realize why priests are anti-abortion. wider partner selection opportunity.

shout out to the girl that made me smile today... whether you know who you are or not :)

I am reading a book called "love sick" that talks about how love is basically a psychological disorder. I intended to write a deep in-depth essay about what love is, what makes somebody fall in love with you, the pitfalls of love and why they occur. How to have the strongest relationship possible. Pair bonding and what it means for natural human inclination (partner selection, duration of partnership, infidelity), the role evolutionary psychology plays in love, replication, and commitment with respect to both males and females. status, power, and how the dynamic of these things in the relationship ultimately determine the longevity and satisfaction of your relationship. What women look for in a man, what a man can do to increase his appeal to females, and conversely what men look for in women, and what they can do to increase their appeal. The difference between limerence and companionate love. The role of jealousy, infidelity and gene dispersion in ancient times, and the relevance it has today. the role of expectation, bias, and distortion with respect to it's adaptive and maladaptive presentations in modern romance. the idea of passion, committment, and intimacy, and how the presence and strength of each of these characteristics can result in different types of feelings all termed under the nominilization "love" How to keep your relationship strong, how to ensure it's success from beginning, (starting with pre-selection), to the end of the bond. Why certain people seem to repeat the same relational mistakes over and over, and what they can do to change that. Why the internet has started to and will continue to revolutionize the formation of the pairbond, from inception to dissolution. Cross cultural differences and the reasons behind them. Your attachment style (caused by your experiences with your mother at birth) and how that relates to the type of mate you attract, and the satisfaction you have with different mates. Your sex life, and how that contributes to the stability, instability, and enjoyability of the relationship as a whole through the eyes of both partners. and much more. but, it appears as though that's a rather large task to take on whilst on an ambien, so perhaps, another day. There are all sorts of interesting studies that I would like to pepper in throughout the essay. should be fun.

I would also like to write an essay on vegetarianism, financial prudency, time management/goal setting, the long range outlook for our economy and politics, racism, sexism, prejudice, and maybe one on leading a successful life. maybe one on fashion, grammar, something I'm knowledgeable about and can impart wisdom. I would also be willing to take suggestions from the audience :p


well... now that that is out of the way, ambien and I are about to have a threeway with our friend pillow. kinky.

kisses

disappointed about being sad about being tired.

I read a lot about internal locus of control today. as well as meta-states. and though I believe they are insanely helpful things to know that may just change your life, I don't think that my current state of mind could give it enough attention. I'll skim the surface. internal locus of control ICOL in contrast to external locus of control ECOL. pretty much means whether you think you are the reason for your life ending up the way it does. ECOL means you blame others, claim how hard you've had it, complain about situations and events that happen to you. Internal locus of control, takes responsibility for their actions, if something bad happens, they do whatever they can to make the situation intrinsically controlled. Be ICOL. it'll make your life 1000x better. meta states has to do with the way we process emotions. It is very common for emotions to be manifested in a complex way. Instead of feeling just one negative emotion, we usually feel emotions about emotions, which convulutes them and makes them more difficult to deal with. For example, a lot of people will experience jealousy and then they will feel angry that they felt jealous, and maybe even disappointment that they felt angry about feeling jealous. when you intertwine these negative feelings, you strengthen them and lessen your ability to deal with them. One solution I read about is to wrap all of those negativce emotions in a positive emotion, for example feel curious that you are sad that you are angry that you are jealous. being curious wrapping the negative emotions in this "positive emotion" is very effective at dealing with the feelings. conversely wrapping positive emotions in other positive emotions is one of the best ways to ensure happiness and to make yourself more successful. that is an extremely cursory run down of some powerful things. I love learning about things like that :) sorry I can't articulate them but my brain is sleeping :) nyquill sure gives you some vivid dreams. :S

um yum.

i ate cookies. andrew made them. yum. went to red robin. full. fuck. finished always sunny in philadelphia. sad. need a new show to watch. any suggestions? i prefer comedy. played nine hands of poker today. made seven dollars. lol. weekend, uneventful. sunday. kick ass. got a onesie with the footsies and a pink bathrobe. if you come over to visit, expect to see me in one or both of them. i want to see four christmases or whatever the hell it's called. I <3 vince vaughn. two and a half weeks til christmas. eek. nobody buy me anything. I'm not exchanging gifts. bah-recession-humbug. i want to see zoo lights... maybe involve my friend hot cocoa and his amigo marshmallows in the plans. i hate laptop keyboards. they're stupid. i want to watch love actually. i, actually, love that movie. fuck, i need to reach over and set my alarm. ick. I wish i could just tell it to set itself. I'm comfortable and the heating pad feels sensational. okay. i'm back. alarm set. i watched crash today. probably one of my top 5 favorite movies. I want to watch the man who knew too little. somebody remind me that since I will undoubtedly forget. tomorrow. brewvies. role models. I think that's a splendid idea if anybody is interested. i forgot to charge my phone. it's in the front room. I am not. shit. Not worth getting up. in fact, i shall go to sleep now. ciao. kisses besos wen wen etc etc. shit... i think I'm going to go get another cookie. yum.

the sweat lodge was a no go. estaba demasiado enfermo. pero esta bien. otra vez :) So My sickness has subsided some. the sore throat, the head ache, are but mere echoes of what they used to be. however... my voice still makes me sound like a pre-op transexual. eh. c'est la vie. Today
Andrew and I went with Whit to get her new dog. He's very cute. Andrew and i hatched a brilliant plan, the likes of which I am not able to divulge at this time...

I've been in a very negative and cynical mood lately. it's no good. I need to meet nice people that think i'm nice and want to hang out on a consistent basis. somebody... please make that happen for me. I can't seem to do it on my own.

our condo is clean as hell. everybody is welcome to come over now. you could even eat off of our floor if you would like. We are going to start having people over more often. So if you wish to come visit us, give us a little forewarning and we're good to go. Chef-boy-r-roommate-andrew is a hell of a cook and may prepare a little something to please your palate. I think that I should go back to school, just for the hell of it. I need to buy a new phone :( gas is so cheap! wow... that was a random string of randomness.

saxby "asshole" chambliss won. fucker. Al Franken's shots seem slim. looking like a 58/42 senate ish.

this blog is uneventful. tear. I have no means to redemption. whitney. remind me to remind you to remind me to get my damn bowling ball from delton... and be sure to rub my geo challenge score in sonia's face if you haven't done so already :) and and and... congratulations on your new job!! and your new dog!! you deserve them both :) and thanks for everything you have done, do for me. I don't know what my life would be without you.

well, hell, i go night night ish. actually watch it's always sunny in philadelphia and play a little bit of poker, but you get the picture. I want corn nuts. what an odd craving... I think I'm pregnant. Damn you Andrew, I told you to pull out :(

what sound does it make when a cat has sex with a duck. meack!

okay enough insomniatic ambien provoked blather. cheers night night etc etc etc.

kim jung-ill :(

I am sick. death, she is knocking on my door. My ally nyquill and I have set up camp and lay in the trenches awaiting the ambush of throat, nose, and head. It shall be a long, arduous journey but with determination and cunning guile, victory, though improbable, is certain. My life depends on it! I hope to be air lifted some soup or other supplies as needed. Together, we can fight this evil axis. viva la nyquill! y viva la revolucion!

besitos

native american sweat lodge

So, thursday I am going to get naked, sit in a tee-pee with several other
people as hot water is poured over rocks, causing extreme heat infiltrating
my body causing the sweat to purge the toxicities out of my body and purify my soul
...
hence the name "sweat lodge"

It's something i've always wanted to do... but the opportunity presented itself
this friday. Andrew and I went to this lovely... free spirited home at which
we were greeted by three people. One of whom was named dove bear. He talked about
his life and his purpose and things he does, and the idea of a sweat lodge got
mentioned... being that this is something I have always wanted to to, my ears
perked up. I have to help prepare it. chop wood, carry stones and such. But I get
to do it thursday, and I'm excited :) it's supposed to be a magical life-altering
experienc, and I hope that it is. a trip report is sure to follow I think.I am excited :)

so aside from that... I played a good amount of poker today for the first time
in quite some time... yay! i have also been informed Miss "insert the pageant's city name here"
may have a little crush on me. She is super cute and fun and funny and nice and pretty\
and dedicated and such. so perhaps that will be a good thing. It comes at a good time
though.. a time when I wish to meet a fuckload of people, for friends, for romantic
interests, for business, for whatever.

I can already tell that this isn't making too much sense and that things keep
beeping on me.

friday and saturday, I would like to be glorious.. saturday wendover if I can't
find anything else acceptable. Friday I want to do something fun too. please
find me something. I am feeling lazy this week and don't have the willpower to
do it. just make it fun. and make it include me :)

I wrote a new profile on facebook. If you lovely readers could please give it
the once over and give me honest feedback I wouldn't be offended by negative
comment. and would be so overwhelmedly happy if you left helpful ones. love you all.

oh, and I bought a gift for a girl today... that's not usually my style.
It was very thoughtful. I hope that it goes over well. kiss luck kiss.

and now a joke from stephen colbert:
why did the mayonnaise start blushing?

because it saw the salad dressing :)

addio bitches!

saxby chambliss eats a dick: vote martin

saxby chambliss and jim martin are having a run-off for the senate seat tomorrow. I really doubt that martin will be able to pull it off. but if he does I will cry sweet tears of joy. In fact, if he wins, first one to text me and say congratulations wins. dinner on me. go martin.

again, if i haven't talked to you in person and you like funny things... watch it's always sunny in philadelphia. it's great. and hulu is also great. if you don't know what that is, google it. Whitney, I beat sonia's geo-challenge record. please rub it in her nose for me.

italian cheese pizza from little caesar's is borderline orgasmic. yum.

I want to see the new vince vaughn movie. I <3 him. oh and i want to see role models. maybe 50 cent popcorn movie night tomorrow if anybody is interested.

Soon on the agenda is to go see the christmas lights. with hot cocoa. twill be cute. I got three pairs of new pants. hell yeah bitches.

bye bye night night kisses.

this entry is lame like a duck.

Austin Texas is like a vacuum. It sucks up my friends. The first casualty; Adam. He has been there a few months and i miss him with every inch of my body... well actually only about 4 inches of my body. but those four inches feel so good when he's around. Next on the list. Celeste. First of all Celeste is one of the coolest damn people I've ever met. second of all, a lot of my really good friends are a direct result of me being plugged into her social pipeline. It just shan't be the same without her. She will be missed terribly. Some of my best memories involve her. tear. sigh. I guess at least if I go down to Austin Texas i'll get two friends for the price of one that is a good thing... however... As you read this.. take a moment of silence for this sad moment.. . . . . okay. let's proceed.

insomnia, non-sense, blah blah blah. all that good stuff.

so I need to write down some goals for the next couple weeks up until the end of the year. first goal... remember to write ze list.

second, I need to buy a whole shitload of clothing items. black chucks, blue chucks, gray chucks, couple pairs of levis, 2 hats, 2 scarves, a vest, and a few solid color ties. i also need black dress socks, as well as blue. hair stuff. new makeup, a light for the laundry room, laundry soap. smart phone, vacuum, suit coat, overcoat perhaps as well. gloves maybe. and perhaps a few other things. Now that I've left you with my shopping list, perhaps i should write something profound or interesting or at least not so unabashedly dull.

the gestation period of a mallard duck is approximately 28 days.
I reiterate... to those that have not played geo-challenge, world challenge, and who has the biggest brain order. play them! now! they're lovely. I would recommend brain, then word then geo. but do them damnit.

George Lopez makes me laugh.

okay. I should go to sleep. operative word being should. fuck balls cock :(

shout out to all my homies I was in contact with today. y'all bitches are the best. Samantha gracias para papas fritas and good conversation. oh you're invited to go to allure for sarah 2's birthday party. come if you kids aren't busy. Anyone else that wants to come is probably welcome to comes as well... just hit me up.

turning the light off turns me on

wen wen

happy birthday ted stevens :)

Mark Begich won. three cheers. I am happy like a dwarf.

kisses.

time to catch up like a tomato based condiment

so... what's been going on in my lovely life. I cleaned the fuck out of me house. :D (with the help of whitney). I ate pizza (yum). I hung out with whitney and her amigas yesterday and went bowling. Great times... Whitney... find out about Angie damnit! Set up my old computer that has been sitting around for a long time. full of pictures ranging from 7 to 2 years ago (awesome... prince puppy pictures, janessa pics, whit pics, vacation pics, family pics, pics of all the friends I used to hang out with back in the day... and a million other random pictures. ) Today, I went to the Real Salt Lake game. It was antarctica-esque cold. my nipples were sad. The game was quite entertaining though, saw Joby, as well as Gary. good times. RSL lost, but it was a hell of a game. i had a minor obsession with a facebook game for a day or so. Geo-challenge, or something like that. beat my high score bitches. i dare you ;) played a tad bit of poker today. thought about going to wendover tomorrow but I dunno if I'll wake up before the bus leaves (2pm i believe).
I am sleepy.
night.

wow. i wrote a lot

I feel like I need to make a private blog. I need to free the metaphorical bird of perversion and craziness from it's cage. However... I am not at liberty to do so I don't think. Suffice to say, the last couple weeks have been very interesting, very mind opening (no, i didn't do drugs), and just crazy to put it lightly. A run down of my week perhaps though I have some problems with remembering days and times, so it could be dumb and stupid. in fact. it will be dumb and stupid. So I changed my mind and am not going to write about it. Perhaps I'll write an essay on how to save the world.

first, my solution to healthcare. as you know... it is expensive as shit to take care of sick people, people with chronic conditions, people with mental retardation, old people, and babies born in poor health. To fix this, we need to get right down to the root of the problem. If you are a premature baby that's going to face expensive life saving operations, you no longer get those. Instead, the baby is left to die. we sell the good scientifically harvestable parts to scientist to undergo tests and experiments, we send the flesh to the homeless shelters to feed the less fortunate, and we peel off the skin and use it to make a coat, rug, skin gloves, or some other useful tool. Furthermore, the mother with the deceased child will continue to use a breast pump so that wal-mart can begin selling booby milk. This will a.) provide a source of income for the mother, and b.) drive the price of milk and its' derivitives lower. the hair (provided the baby or fetus has hair) can be used to make a wide arrangement of novelties such as hat, toupees, and boots with the "baby" fur.
Next order of business. life threatening (or expensive illnesses) aids. cancer, diabetes. auto-immune diseases. You will be euthanized, and your body harvested for the usable parts, the unusual parts sold to innovative companies to figure out how to extract the maximum energy from seemingly useless things. bones into hammers. Pubic hairs into sweaters, eyeballs into creey halloween costumes. No part shall be wasted.
Then clearly, if you become old and can no longer contribute in a meaningul way to the society; off with your head. This, aside from lessening the risks of dealing with an increasingly ailing baby boomer health epidemic also gets rid of the worries about social security and medicare and 401ks and pensions and the like. we kill (maybe the word neutralize is a better choice) the old wastes of sulfor, phosphorous, oxygen, nitrogen, carbon, and hydtrogen and harvest them for their food, their property (which shall be redistributed fairly to their family), and perhaps turn them into an efficient fertilizer... not to mention save billions by not having to pay out the entitlements due (that we couldn't pay anymore anyway).
Now, the above may seem like a narrow-minded suggestion, but I don't really plan on killing the sick children, the chronically ill, or the elderly. Instead, they will be given a choice. Either the death outlined above, or the luxurious option of defending their country to avoid being put out to pasture. We will withdraw our current troops and save billions with our new infant infantries, chronically ill cavalcades, and elderly killing machines. Not only are these people worthless anyway... but they have diseases! If all goes according to plan, we can add another couple weapons to the tanks, guns, and bombs of traditional warfare. No my friends... now we will be equipped with coughs, sneezes, and festering infectious sores. we will "plague" them with difficulty that has never been seen before. and we don't have to pay them very much, what the hell else kind of work could they get hired for?
Another key to our military presence as well as a way to reduce crime domestically is to let the convicted killers and the mentally insane join the war efforts. Who better to kill people than those with experience, who better to battle out of crazy situations than crazy people? Who better to torture captives than somebody sadistic like charles manson. I don't think anybody could keep quiet if he was there interrogator.

Okay... so war basicallly solved. economy basically solved. Prison system pretty much solved except for non violent or minor offenders. Pedophiles, Drug dealers/ addicts and racist people not in for murder... just for beating the shit out of minorities. Pedophiles you get a special job. kindergarten-6th grade teachers. Who loves kids more than you guys? We can count on you to give them a "helping hand" any time and hope they "swallow" the "hard" challenges you give them. Racist assault mongers; you shall patrol the border. who would do a better job than you at keeping anybody different out! just remember to either wear a hood for you and your horse, or if you are a neo-nazi, apply a liberal amount of sunscreen to your shaved head. It is Na-zi smartest idea to go out sans sun screen in the scorching summer sun. use some common sense you silly sunburn-prone racists. Drug dealers. simple solution, drugs are now legal.... however, they are mandated by the government. they are taxed in much the same way as alcohol and tobacco. we make a killing off people being killed by buying lots of drugs. it's genius. Prostitution by the same token will be legalized to raise revenue. People are paying people for sex no matter where you go in some form or another. The government might as well have their fingers in it (pun intended) if possible... and make some fucking money off some "fucking money." Gambling. legal. would generate tons of revenue if the government taxed it. and... most importantly... I <3 gambling
energy etc. allow me to pontificate for a moment. eating animals is stupid for the environment. the gases produced by cows breaking wind and such are some of the biggest contributors to global warming. The rainforest is pretty much cut down to raise livestock.... which also contributes to global warming. the waste they produce isn't regulated and pollutes our streams and land. and from a efficiency standpoint. it makes no sense. we grow the grain, we feed the grain to the livestock (and take up valuable land to store them on), and then we eat the cow. The cow takes a lot of the nutrients when it eats the corn. and we are left with a kernel (another intended pun) of the nutritional value of the pre cow corn. a few random facts about vegetarianism will be included at the end of this blog. but for now. on with the show. Next. churches pay taxes. No reason for them to be exempt, they're about as political as any institution in existence. so they pay equal taxes.
Food stamps. stop letting people buy fucking cheetos and mountain dew. make them buy calorically rich foods so we get a "bang" for a tax payer buck.

ride the fucking bus. it is fun to stare at mentally ill people, and it saves a lot of gas.

shorts bigger than a size 15 for women. illegal.

guns are still legal (concealed) but more explicitly for hunting. One rule change though, if you are wearing camouflage, you are legally allowed to be fired on by fellow hunters or peta poachers.

back to the vegetarian propaganda etc. etc.
as it relates to efficiency: 20 vegetarians can live off the land required by one meat eater,
If all Americans became vegetarian, it would free enough grain to feed 600,000,000 people (the population of India),
1 acre yields 165 lbs of beef or 20,000 lbs of potatoes,
8/10 of cultivated land in the UK is used to grow food for animals (14,732,000 hectares),
It takes 16lbs of high protein soya to produce 1 lb of beef ,
over 25% of methane production comes from raising farm animals,
it takes 25 gallons of water to produce 1lb of wheat & 2500 gallons to produce 1lb of meat,
To produce 1calorie of energy from meat takes 60 calories of petrol (oil), whereas growing grains & legumes to directly feed people produces 20 calories for each calorie of fuel used ( thats 1200 times more efficient),
Meat & dairy farming uses billions of gallons of oil to run tractors, fuel ships & lorries (to move animal feed & animals), pump billions of gallons of water to irrigate fields & run slaughterhouses, power refrigeration units to prevent the corpses from decomposing & to power sewage plants to clean up some of the pollution produced
Cattle convert only 6% of their energy intake (mainly grains & soya) into flesh, the remaining 94% is wasted as heat, movement (which is why they keep many animals in very close confinement), hair, bones, feces etc
1lb of beef takes 1 gallon of petrol (oil) to produce
A family of four eating beef for a year uses enough petrol to run a car for 6 months (obviously depending on how far you drive!) ,
70% of all grain is fed to animals ,
Vegetarians have a 20% lower rate of mortality from all causes (ie. they live longer & don't get sick as often) ,
Vegetarians have 24% reduced risk of getting heart disease & Vegans a 57% reduction (heart disease is the biggest killer in the UK accounting for 50% of deaths) ,
Vegans & vegetarians have lower blood pressure & cholesterol levels - high levels are associated with heart disease, strokes & kidney failure
Vegetarians have a 50% reduced risk of dying of diabetes
Vegetarians have a 40% reduced level of cancer than the general population thought to be because they have a higher intake of vitamins A,C & E
Vegetarians have a reduced risk of developing gall & kidney stones
80% of food poisoning is due to infected meat (feces, bacteria etc.) after all meat is decomposing flesh - most of the rest is due to salmonella in eggs ,
Osteoporosis due to calcium loss from bones is mainly due to the sulphur content in meat & casein protein in milk that cause calcium to be lost in the urine - the countries with the highest meat & dairy consumption are those with the highest levels of brittle bones
50% of people do not have the enzyme to digest milk properly & milk allergy is related to asthma & eczema
Meat eaters have double the rate of Alzheimers disease as Vegans & Vegetarians - some people also think that Parkinsons disease is also linked to meat eating ,
Meat eaters are two and a half times more likely to get bowel cancer than Vegetarians
The cling film used to wrap meat in supermarkets & butchers contains chemicals linked to falling sperm counts in men
and last but not least apparently the only thing that actually works to improve the taste of
your semen is to become vegetarian.

"food for thought"

i am bien silly

insomnia. the bane of my existence. le sigh.

The Georgia, Alaska, and Minnesota sentatorial races are not over and looking pretty good for at least Begich, and perhaps Franken. Chambliss will have a special election in a couple weeks where but he'll probably win unless people unite to get his prejudiced vitriolic ass out of there. so politics. yeah.

Hung out with Whitney a good amount today. It's amazing how well we get along. She's one of the few that can put up with me and appreciate my odd, and at times derisive, vulgar sense of humor. I'd do anything for that girl.

i end blog now. watch colbert report. kisses

stream on semi-consciousness :)

everybody go watch zack an miri. lovelyi am going to wendover in two hours, hooray.i slept like a girl on a date with a registered sex offender that makes a living selling rohypnol. twas lovely.barack obama is president. finafuckingly.ted stevens is a cock eating stupid ass. and by association, so are the majority of alaskans.i need to do laundry.girls are silly.listen to the comedian mitch fatel. he is funny enough to make you wet yourself...i want pizza with pineapple, black olive, and tomato... or a tostada from trino. I <3 trino.i need to get my peacoat drycleaned.karly at t-mobile is the shit. if anybody needs a t-mobile person see her. and tell her i sent you.I spoke some kick ass chinese yesterday. smile :)if you haven't watched the video "every day normal guy" on youtube... you should.anybody interested in politics, listen to the podcast "wait, wait, don't tell me"tea is delicious.favorite song at the moment. jimmy eat world, carry you. pink, mean is a close second.my basset hound got his balls chopped off. anybody that knows him knows that they probably had to use a chainsaw. he could have done basset porn if there existed such a thing.prop 8 passed. silly.most of the people on hot or not fall in the not category.quote of the day: by Douglas Yates. People who are sensible about love are incapable of it.I'm reading books on: massage, plural marriage in contemporary society, 150 ways of being naturally high. 500 great date ideas, the joy of sex, a book on dissociative identity disorder, a book on middle eastern politics. a book on the alexander technique, and a couple others.i get ready for wendover now. ciao. kisses. etc. etc.

sad-tired

As many of you well know... Barack Obama has been linked to the notorious domestic terrorist william ayers. Well, I did a little digging and found something quite damning to the charismatic young senator from Chicago. On May ninth, 2008. a man by the name of Robert C. Byrd endorsed barack obama; calling him a noble-hearted patriot at one point. and now my friends, let me precede to tell you why voting for obama would be an unconscionable error of epic proportions. Who is this Robert Byrd? Well let me just say this... he was a leader in one of the most hate filled terrorist organizations ever seen in this land of liberty. An organization responsible, for killing, terrifying and spreading sheer panic in certain communities. Oh... it get's worse folks. Obama isn't just peripherally associated with this man. Oh no, He has a VERY close interaction with him on a monthly, weekly, and even daily basis. Nobody, with any shred of dignity could vote for a man with such a horrendous past, and neither should you. This man, this former domestic terrorist robert byrd, held a position known as the exalted cyclops in the Ku Klux Klan. In 1945, he wrote a letter to a congressman saying the following :" I shall never fight in the armed forces with a Negro by my side... Rather I should die a thousand times, and see Old Glory trampled in the dirt never to rise again, than to see this beloved land of ours become degraded by race mongrels, a throwback to the blackest specimen from the wilds." This vile rhetoric is soaked in hate. and what's worse, Obama associates with this character robert byrd (who happens to be President pro tempore of the United States Senate of the 110th United States Congress, a position that puts him third in line of presidential succession,) on a constant basis. Third in line for the president folks! a vote for obama is clearly disastrous. Anybody who votes for Obama is basically saying that it's okay to terrorize black people. a vote for obama is a vote for the kkk. So unless you like the kkk, you cannot vote for barack obama. A vote for barack obama is a vote for the kkk! how dare we ever fall into that terrorist crazy left wing mentality.

kisses

insomniatic rambles

I'm sleepy, but unable to sleep. shitty. Today I had the privilege of hanging out with some of my best friends. It was a rather uncommon occurrence. I have a good amount of friends, but rarely do we get out on a grander scale. I need to be social and meet new friends and also hang out with people more often and such. For some reason, lately I have felt that human connection is one of the most important parts of life. yet it seems so easy to lose touch or become reclusive. I would like to make a goal to meet some new people, as well as fortify old relationships that haven't been given the attention they deserve. It's my president's day resolution. or whatever the fuck holiday it is today.

my hips hop

So... i've been giving some thought to the following month and halloween and the likes. For some reason, halloween seems to bring about some of the most memorable, exciting, inappropiate stories of my life. In an effort to make this year the opposite of an exception, I've resorted to getting my body in the best shape it has been in forever. Equipped with a delicious figure, I hope to take the numerous parties I go to by storm... however, I am undecided as to what i should wear for a costume... You handful of people that read this, give me some input. The only qualification; it has to be super slutty. the sluttier the better i believe. I have a few ideas in mind, but in an effort to not impede your creativity, they shall remain secretive. So hit me with your best ideas.

week two of hip hop class is in the books. I kicked ass and took names.

Started hip hop class yesterday. fuck. i should have brought gatorade and a snickers. it was fun though. I can't believe my formerly shy ass was actually willing to go take my two left feet and go to a dance class. who would have ever thought? Later that night, I went out to a show, and i straight busted out the silly corny routine we learned in class. it was precious. Andrew and i had a good laugh.
this blog is terrible. I apologize. I sleepy and such. Oh, I went to wendover for the first time in quite some time and played in a live poker game for the first time in a long time. i love free rooms, free food, free drinks, and getting paid to play cards. So silly that I can take a vacation like that and get paid to do so.
Friday I have to go to a wedding. It's crazy to see your friends get married. I looked back on all the people I used to know and all the people that are married now. Levi, Shawn, Tyler, Ben, Lance, Janessa, Jed, Anthony, and now Jake. I am becoming a minority. It seems that the unwed batchelor is becoming an endangered species. Strange. ah. c'est la vie.

on that note, i study chinese and go sleepy time

xoxo

151

i have decided, upon reflection, that my ambien posts are classic. A wonderful treat to all my dedicated readers. my grammar, my spelling, may be shit. but admits it, they funny. Today, I am going to the mormon club. studio 600. I'm not going to lie, I'm inebriated. I will have to pretend to be sober to gain admittance. Wish me all the luck i need to pass with flying colors. i think that i will speak in a brittish accent. it makes me sound more sober. allo. thank you bloody much for lettin me in your club to get me groove on... cheers! foolproof. i am going to go shopping tomorrow. I need to overhaul my wardrobe and such. I am going to be yummy :) okay. native american angela and her hermana come over now. i leave. dance with mormonas. besos!

p.s. meow.

so, i am now a landlord. we are renting out the house in ogden. Furthermore, i think that I am going to rent oujt the condo. Then buy a houe were andrew, sam, and my car can live. Should be in pretty good shape by the end of the month. except fucking quarterly taxes and house taxes. but shit is good. I looked at the typos above and decided I like them. deal with it ;p I still... cannot, for the life of me sleep. it's rather bothersome.

So Andrew and I are going to go out and do interesting things couple times a week. for the next four mondays we will be going to a hip hop dancing class. we may join a soccer or bowling league. may take piano lessons. maybe a wednesday charity night where we help the food bank or the shelters or something. So... to any of you with a desire to do random shit just to live life and make it interesting, give me or andrew a holler. Any suggestion will be open for discussion. it can be something weekly like the dance class, semi weekly, once a month, or just once (i.e. something like horseback riding or scrabble night... for all my nerrdy friends out there :p

I'm just ready to start doing some shit. so the end. think of things, and let me know. I will perhaps brainstorm tomorrow. well not tomorrow actually probably the next day.

some random ones off the top of me head
horseback riding
massages or spa treatments
pedicures or manicures
trip to wendover
ice skating (soon)
the zoo
opera or symphony if anyone wants to go with me
mayhbe a once a month where we get a fuckload of people together and go out to eat.
go to the shooting range
dance classes. salsa or breakdance after hip hop.
go to a fortune teller.
have a poker and cigar night.
strip club night
state fair soon.
date night. where we have at least 5 to 10 couples going
wiseguys
paintballing
hike to a waterfall
laser tag
pot luck bring dinner night.
demolition derby
date to a basketball, baseball, or hockey event.
art exhibit
finger paint
homestead.
get the grove sandwiches and have a picnic
fast carts
kava or matte.
hookah night
cherry hill batting cages
mini golf
great salt lake cruise
murder mystery
camping or smores
planetarium
ice cream
memory grove
organize blankets/food/gloves/etc.
mountain photography
nickelcade
shake from iceberg or shivers
indian or thai food.
mexican panaderia
papusas
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vvvvvvv

some guy took a picture of my penis at the club last night :(

another day, more random incoherent rambling. I decided today that i would talk about nlp (very briefly and non-in depth and such). The one facet that I would like to address involves how your subconscious mind ignores negative commands. I think to most clearly elucidate my point I'll use and example. okay, now I want everyone to go into your head and do not think about a blue tree. The funny thing is your subsconcious cannot process the do not. so any normal human being, when doing that exercise will inevitably picture a blue tree. Now what does this mean. it has large-scale implications on how you should think and how you should live your life. For example if you want to lose weight. You shouldn't say i can't eat doughnuts, i can't do this, i can't do that. your body, and your pavlovian response to telling yourself i can't eat doughnuts is the same a telling yourself you can as far as your subconscious mind goes. Instead. focus on things that do not negate something. For example saying I don't want to be fat is bad. your subconcious still is "preoccupied" so to speak with the concept of you being fat. Instead, one should say, "I want to be skinny" or "it feels so great to eat right and have lots of energy" seems stupid. it really isn't nobody needs a blue tree in their mind. Furthermore, since apparently this turned into a pseudo-discussion about weight loss, I'll address a few more factors. Set goals. The way to set goals is an art. First off WRITE THEM DOWN. it processes it through your brain in a more bilateral way and increases your chances of success. Set goals that are challenging but attainable. If your goals are too easy you'll get bored; too hard, you'll get discouraged. Third, set goals that are easily defineable so you can determine if you're successful or not. Now when setting goals, they need to be concrete and able to be objectively measured and under your control. For example saying I want to lose weight is a horrible goal to have. First of all it's vague, second of all it doesn't outline an objective way to determine if you are headed in the wrong direction. a better goal would be. I want to lose 5 pounds by 2 weeks from today. HOWEVER, even this goal is flawed. weight is not something that you have control over. it fluctuates based on all sorts of variables you can't control (hormones, stress, blah blah blah). So instead the goal needs to be objectively and unbiasedly measureable as well as being very descriptive and lacking any vagueness. The right kind of goal for weight loss would be something like. I am going to eat 1200 calories or less every day, drink 64 oz of water everyday. and exercise 30 minutes on the treadmill three days a week. These are goals you have complete control over. losing five pounds on the otherhand is not in your control... and having a goal that isn't in your control is why people get so upset about dieting. they say they've eaten so well and exercised but haven't lost weight. You can't control when or how much weight you choose, but if you use goals in the way aforementioned, you will have clear cut boundaries to let you know if you are achieving your goals or not. This will lesson discouragement and ambivalence and ultimately create better results.

i am thinking that I want to start up a non-profit/volunteer program. i'm on the fence which direction i want to go, but I very much want to help the less fortunate. If any of you are interested or have any ideas, hit me up. the mindset i have about it thus far is very utilitarian. I want to extend the least amount of resources and time for the greatest result. There are charities out there that raise a lot of money and do a lot of good things. but i want to be able to do things that will be extremely beneficial with using as little resources as possible... more to come i'm sure.

i love harold and kumar 2. i watch it nightly. it makes me giggle.

i believe i have a date with me pillow now.

a website i ran across.

I planned on writing an in depth blog about my views of politics. barack, biden, mccain, palin etc. I was going to write something i heard... that bush has spend more money during his presency than the first 42 presidents combined. I was going to do the research because this intrigued me. However, I ran across this anti-bush site... unsure how completely valid it is, but I find it rather interesting. I think if i saw this resume and he was applying to mcdonalds, I would probably pass on him.
'
list of accomplishments of george bush (the alcoholic one)

Set all-time record for biggest loss of value in the history of the stock market during any presidency

I shattered records for the biggest annual deficit in history.

First president in US history to enter office with a criminal record.

First year in office set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in US history and continued that practice throughout my term in office.

Appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in US history.

Cut healthcare benefits for war veterans while posing on aircraft carriers in a flgiht suit and despite praising the troops at every opportunity.

o Set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind.

Dissolved or abandoned more international treaties than any president in US history.

o Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US history

First president in US history to order an illegal, unilateral and unprovoked attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation.

o First president in US history to start a war against the will of the United Nations and the world community

o Created the largest new government bureaucracy (Department of Homeland Security) in the history of the United States.

o Set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any president in US history.

o First president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the human rights commission.

o First president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the elections monitoring board.

o Removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of congressional oversight than any presidential administration in US history.

o I ignored the United Nations demands and requirements pursuant to international law and warfare.

o Refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war and refused to abide by the Geneva Conventions regarding prisoners of war by cleverly classifying them as "enemy combatants", thereby allowing us to circumvent the Geneva Conventions.

o I was the first president in US history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 US elections).

o I am the all-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations.

o First US president in history to have the people of South Korea feel more threatened by the US than their immediate neighbor, North Korea.

Entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in less than two years turned every single economic category into a sharply downward trend.

o My daddy pulled strings to get me into the National Guard and make sure I didn't have to serve abroad during the Viet Nam war, and then I went AWOL and deserted the military during wartime, for which I was not punished.

o I refused to take drug tests or answer any questions about drug use.

o I publicly claim to have been sober since my 40th birthday but I still take a drink now and then.

o All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been sequestered in my fathers library, sealed and unavailable for public view.

o All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed and unavailable for public view.

o All minutes of meetings for any public corporation I served on the board are sealed and unavailable for public view.

o Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed and unavailable for public review.

wake me up when september ends

For some reason, perhaps psychic intuition, magic 8 ball or my smooth like crystal balls, I believe that this month is going to be one of the most important months in my life. I know, that sounds dramatic... but it's true. I feel like i am at the crux of many important happenings all nearing to a culmination that will shape the rest of my life. How they will shape my life I'm not sure. could be amazing, could be disappointing, could be lackluster, but different. I just feel like almost every area in my life is at a crossroads. and since there are so many crossroads that are going to be "crossed" the combined effect of every decision is impossible to predict. It's like reading those books when you were little... the ones that said, "if you go inside the door" turn to page 8, "if you run from the door and go find your friend turn to page 37" My life at this moment is the metaphorical form of that... and unlike when you're little, you can't cheat and see what option you should have chosen. social, occupational, health, leisure, every point in my life is a 2 to infinity pronged fork. and september is the month that i bite each fork so to speak.

some possible "forks" that will be thrown into the road map:
schooling-i have been thinking of going back. getting a masters or a phd. But I'm not really sure if I want to... i'm on the fence (or the fork) i suppose about this. I love school, I would undoubtedly meet some good eggs, but that's a big time commitmment, and may conflict with other thing.

dating etc. I feel like i could really amp up my desire to go out and meet lots of people and try and find that needle in my haystack. or i could just sit back, work on myself and my life and not actively pursue that.

work. Here, part of me wants to get a big buy job. Primarily to make social contacts. My social circle is attenuating, and a job would help bolster it I think. Furthermore, i think a job would be nice to get me into a 9-5 lifestyle that I never have had and give me some structure. But with that structure comes shackles. and then still further, i could continue down the entrepeneurial route which can be extremely rewarding but an arduous journey. No clue. My first investment house should sale this month. that will probably influence my decision... and then I'll surely buy a new house. the question I'm not sure of is whether to sell my condo or rent it out. do i start another deal? after learning what I've learned, do I go back to making money at poker? or some hodgepodge of all those. I honestly don't know. Right now I lean toward poker because of it's reliability. (ha that sounds funny). I know i can make money at poker, the problem is i can't have a full time job and make a lot at poker. there just isn't enough hours in the day. and then i want to perfect spanish and chinese to an infathomable level. i could do that during playing poker perhaps, but i wouldn't be able to play as many tables. so as these things start to iron themselves out (keep in mind there are other forks that are not currently being talked about either for brevity or anonymity) As you can see it's going to be a clusterfuck of decisions and most of them are coming to a head. so wake me up when semptember ends

enough rambling. we'll do rapid fire stream of thought style shit to describe my current feelings... always fun, at least for me. I'm sick of pretty girls that like me and that I could conceivably like back existing and me not doing shit about it. it's better to crash and burn then never race right? one would think so why con't we glue me fucking foot to the accelerator. I work out now. I eat fucking fantastically (calorically speaking) (gustatorially speaking... not as much) so I'm slim. I'm trim. makes me happy. I need to go tanning and get me teeth whitened. i'll probably get shitfaced tomorrow though for steve's concert. people need to be on the look out for blind dates they could set me up on. tell your friends, tell your friend's friends to put out the word. insanely amazing boy named lane looking to go out and meet people he doesn't know. today i had pumpkin soup and vegan hamburgers and a blueberry shake. healthy. yummy :)

i think i need to write out some goals.

perhaps that's the next option.

blueberries

I haven't written a blog in quite some time. So much has happened since my last entry in fact, that I con't even aspire to diligently tackle it with the breadth it deserves in my current ambien malaise. Another day.

For now, the thing that has been really weighing on my chest as of lately... I fucking love blueberries. I had, for a small time, pushed them to the backburner. I tend to be very compulsive, eat the same thing over and over, get sick of it, find something new... begin the cycle again. blueberry shakes on the other hand have never fallen out of favor with me. I have never in my life gotten sick of them. For some reason though, I hadn't had one in weeks, maybe even months. Today, i did. fucking yum. :)

In all seriousness though, much has happened. Samantha; my wonderful, supporting, loving, amazing, roommate/bff, has moved out... Andrew, my new; wonderful, talented, amazing, etc. roommate/bff has moved in. Samantha shall reunite with us in the near future. We got flames Samantha! We got flames! In the meantime she shall be sorely missed.

As for the metaphorical revolving door that is my dating life, the faces are different, the story the same. Each that comes, disappoints. I'm still waiting to meet the "blueberry shake" that can hold my attention and never fall out of favor. Unfortunately, with each half fortnight that passes, another flavor of the week comes and goes.

That is not to say that I, myself, have not progressed tremendously. I used to be a mere social caterpillar, but I am happy to report that I have emerged from my cocoon a glorious social butterfly, and I am quite content with where my life is headed socially. I have met a ton of wonderful friends, and life is fucking great :)

I suppose that shall suffice for now.

-kisses

long overdue

long overdue... I know. All is right in the world. My faith in the human race restored. Another year older. My birthday was a few days ago, and I don't know that I've felt that loved in sometime. Thanks to all you thoughtful bitches that remembered my birthday, and those that made it especially good times for one reason or another (Natalie, Sam, Mike, Andrew, Celeste, Robert)... Kisses.

PS Samantha is the best fucking roommate ever, and we have kick ass times. We got flames Samantha! We got flames!

it's been an engaging month

So... I'm engaged, to the most wonderful, amazing person alive. te amo prometida! I have a big boy job interview tomorrow. One where I feel the salary is actually high enough that it isn't a complete waste of my time. I'm so bored not working. It really is overrated.

So many stories for this blog, so little time it seems. So I'll just throw them out there, rapid fire style. I love my new car, it is so goddamn fast. I got stuck in a snowstorm, slept at ze goddamn gas station. Levi got married. I hung out with Greg who was in town from Washington. Saw Mike and Andrew's band play; they were very good. Am currently in love with Mikado, and or Happy Sumo. My Chinese is progressing and it makes me smile. I went to the Barnes and Noble and bought like 15 books the other day that seem super interesting... for example, one is called "Why do men have nipples" :) I love love love the Leona Lewis album. Got a new bedroom set. My dog is snoring super loudly (cute little fucker). Samantha Odle is an amazing person, and I love her guts. I'm looking at buying real estate in Costa Rica. A cute villa or such. I weigh less than I've weighed in 5 years. I want to go to Vegas for my birthday (first part of April). Clear your schedules bitches.

-kisses

okay. for those of you who took it literally. i'm not engaged. i was kidding.

So, today I was supposed to hang out with Noble, I didn't... cry cry. I met some new people though, and I hung out with an old friend that I hadn't seen in quite some time. Tomorrow I'm going to hang out with pretty girls for a bit... then perhaps go to the hotel. I go sleep now.

kisses bitches.

fuck eight generations of your ancestors, you have a face like a rotting cunt

I learned how to swear in chinese today. It made me happy :) I think I'm going to translate them literally and use them daily Wo xi wang ni man man si, dan kuai dian xia di yu!	I wish you a slow death, but a quick ride to hell!
我希望你慢慢死，但快点下地狱。
Zhu tou	Pig head
猪头
Qin wode pigu	Kiss my ass
亲我的屁股
Gan ni niang	Motherfucker
干你娘
Gou shi	Dog shit
狗屎
Shi	Shit
屎
Ni shi bai chi	You are an idiot
你是白痴
Ni shi hun dan	You are a rotten egg
你是混蛋
Ni shi sha gua	You are a fool
你是傻瓜
Si lang gou	Dead man doggie
死狼狗
Tong xing lian	Gay
同性恋
Cao ni ma	Fuck your mother
操你妈
Cao!	Fuck!
操！
Ta ma de!	Oh Shit!
他妈的！
Wo cao	(I) fuck
我操！
Shen jing bing	Lunatic
神经病
Sha gua	Retard (lit. stupid melon)
傻瓜
Chun zi	Moron
蠢子
Wang ba dan	Bastard
王八蛋
Chou wang ba dan	Lousy bastard
臭王八蛋
Ji nv	Whore
妓女
Mai bi	Buy pussy
买屄
Cao ni zu zong shi ba dai	Fuck the 18 generations of your ancestors
操你祖宗十八代
Ha bang	Suck one's dick
Ha wo deh bang	Suck my dick
Tian yin	Eat pussy
舔阴
Gan ni ba	Fuck your dad
干你爸
Gan ni lao shi	Fuck your teacher (for not teaching you)
干你老师
Chi shi!	Go eat shit! (Equivalent to "Fuck off!")
吃屎！
Diao	Dick, cock
屌
Ji ba	Dick, cock
鸡巴
Nee yin	Vagina (polite)
Ji bai	Pussy (bad insult to a man)
Bo ba	Huge tits
波霸
Too zai zi	Son of a rabbit
兔崽子
Yangwei	Impotent
阳萎
Da diao	Big dick
大屌
Yin yang ren	Hermaphrodite
阴阳人
Lao mao	Pimp
Pi tiao ke	Trick (prostitute's client)
皮条客
Gao wan	Testicles
睾丸
Chou ba guai	Ugly as hell
Gan tsao	To fuck
Zi wei	Masturbate
自慰
Yang gui zi	Foreign devil
洋鬼子
Cao ni ma!	Fuck your mother!
操你妈
Fang pi	To fart (lit. to let your ass go)
放屁
Langun	Dick (lit. man root)
Ni meiyou langun	You have no dick!
Ni juede wo hen ben ma?	Do you think I'm an idiot?
你觉得我很笨吗？
Ni shi pian zi!	You are a cheat!
Ni xin tai hei le!	Your heart is black!
你心太黑了
Yanse lang	Male whore (lit. colored wolf)
Se mi mi de ren	Lecherous
色迷迷的人
Si san ba	Bitch
Ni male ge bi	Your mother's a cunt
你妈了个屄
Chou san ba	Bitch
臭三八
Hu li jing	Bitch (a flirtatious woman)
狐狸精
Shabi	Dumb cunt (used like motherfucker)
傻屄
Da Shabi	Big dumb cunt
大傻屄
Cho yade	Smelly slave wench
Cho ji bai	Smelly cunt
Da shou qiang	Masturbate
打手枪
Wo cao ni ba bei zi zu zong	Fuck eight generations of your ancestors
我操你八辈子祖宗
Tzau ni Daye	Fuck your uncle
Ni ya lian zhang de gen lan bi shi de	You have a face like a rotting cunt
你丫脸长的跟烂屄似的
Gun dan	Fuck off
滚蛋
Pi hua	Bullshit
屁话
Chi shi	Eat shit
吃屎
Chi wo de shi	Eat my shit
吃我的屎
Chee jiao	Eat my dick (lit: eat banana)
Gan ni lao ma pi gu	Fuck your mother's ass
干你老妈屁股
Qu di yu	Go to hell!
去地狱
Wo cao ni ye ye de sao pi yan	Fuck your grandfather's piss stinking arsehole
我操你爷爷的骚屁眼
Cao ni de xing	Fuck your family name
操你的姓
Ni you piao liang de lv mao zi	Your wife is cheating on you (lit. you have a pretty green hat) [Strong insult in China]
你有漂亮的绿帽子
Wa Cao(ch-ao)!	Holy fuck!
Ni shi wo de biao zv	You are my bitch
Cao ni gege	Fuck your older brother
Cao ni didi	Fuck your younger brother
你有问题	You have a (mental) problem
Nide muchin shr ega da wukwei	Your mother is a big turtle