three, two, onesie!

Does she ever miss me?

god I miss her.

I had the most amazing horrible dream last night. I hate falling asleep. I can't keep myself from dreaming about her. The days are fantastic... but the thoughts creep in when I'm unconscious and I can't stop them. That's why I have insomnia. I dread sleeping. I know once I can't control my brain it will drift to her. and i suppose that is what it is. Life is funny. a rollercoaster that I wouldn't miss for the world. The ups, the downs, you can't have one without the other I suppose... but enough about that.

Sarah 1. you are fired. you were supposed to come hang out tonight... but you went mia. dumb. I wanted to see your face today.

Whitney, I love your fucking guts. You are the best friend I could ever ask for. You have been through some of the toughest times in my life, and you are single-handedly the reason I got through them. Not to mention, you have the most amazing smile and personality ever. Janessa, you too. seriously. You are the most amazing person in this world. I can't wait for you to be a mother. That kid is the luckiest kid in the world... and not only because of you and the myriad of positive characteristics you possess... but your husband is an amazing intelligent, compassionate, wonderful person too. I can't believe two amazing people like you ended up together. Seriously, your kid. aka my godchild *hint hint* is going to be the luckiest little bundle of flesh to ever be brought into this world. Vince, I have known you for 20 years, and you never cease to amaze me, you are an amazing person, and one of the few people that I can count on. I learn to be a better person when I hang out with you. Your sense of style, your humility, your ability to bring out the best in everybody around you in such a positive way fascinates me. Robert, I haven't seen you in so long, but my life is better for having known you. You are one of the few people with a totally different view on life that complements my life. My mind is expanded for having known you. I enjoy every second we ever hang out, and every conversation we've ever had. Samantha, words can't even express how much you have impacted my life. viva la project revolution. It will become my reality... and because of you. I am so completely ecstatic for your upcoming nuptuals. Out of anybody in the world, I would say that absolutely nobody is worthy to be with you. Except Steve. He is fantastic, smart, and a person that I am proud to call my friend... and nothing makes me happier than the fact that you guys are together. Sarah 1, despite you not texting me back, I think that you are one of the most beautiful, compassionate, intelligent, impressive people that I have ever met. Mario, Meredith, Sarah 2, I had so much fun with you guys tonight, and every night for that matter. Thank you for taking me out despite the fact I am in a pond of self pity and loneliness. I needed it, and I appreciate you more than you will ever know. Angela Oh, you don't read this, but you are such an amazing person, I can't believe how dedicated, driven, intelligent, social, and thoughtful you are. My life is better for having known you. Angela Larson, I can't wait for you to have your baby. Out of anyone, you are one of the most fun, most down to earth, gregarious, outgoing people that I have ever met, and I love every ounce of your native american guts. Joby, Camrann, I haven't seen you fucks in forever, but you have made me the person I am today. Thank you for your friendship, and the lengths you have gone to for me, I wouldn't know half the people I know today, I wouldn't have overcome my shyness, I wouldn't have known what friendship was without you. Mario, you Mexican fuck. I envy your personable nature and your outlook on life, I am glad that we have become friends, and can't wait to see what the future has in store for you and us as friends. Thank you. Brittany Thatcher, you are me, but with two x chromosomes. i envy the person you have become. You are a wonderful mother, a wonderful wife, and a wonderful friend. I aspire to be the person you are some day. you are amazing, on so many different levels. Chanda, I haven't seen you in forever, but I miss your smile, I miss your sense of humor, and I miss the way you understood me.... my quirkiness and all. lauren, you are one of the people that I can count on. You would drop anything for me if I needed the slightest of things. You are honest with me, and you have never ever been anything but a great friend. I love your face. Meredith, I have known you for a short time, but I must say that you are one of the most compassionate, fun to be around, prettiest people i have ever met. I love how much you care for animals, I love how nice and inclusive you are to me. Thank you. Sarah 2, You are sassy, pretty, witty, funny, and an immense pleasure to be around. You are going to take the world by storm, and I envy that. Sarah 4, I have also known you for a short time, but your drive, your intelligence, and your capacity for greatness blow me away. I'm happy to say that I know you. Celeste, I miss your guts. It's a shame you moved to Texas, you were, and are, one of my favorite people for countless reasons. Adam, you are a fuck for moving to Texas too. One of the few people that could teach me something, make me laugh, and be a sarcastic little bitch like me, all at the same time. Not to mention your taste in music was flawless. Last, but not least, Andrew. you are my roommate, my confidant, and the best friend anybody could ask for. The strange quirkiness of mine you put up with, the things you do for me, the complete and utter humility you have despite being one of the most amazing people I know, strikes me with awe and wonderment. I am proud of the person you are. Your son is blessed to have you as a father, and I am blessed to have you as a friend and as a roommate. You are a remarkable person, and I appreciate our friendship more than you will ever know. I could go on for days. These are the friends that I am blessed with.. My heart is full of love for each and everyone of you, as well as the ones that I didn't have time to get to. This isn't even beginning to get started on how wonderful my family is. Words can't capture, or begin to try to capture how thankful I am for my brother, sister in law, mother and father. Without them, I don't know what I would do. I could write an entire blog entry about each of them, but I don't have the time or the finger strength to write a novel that lengthy at this time. Suffice to say, everything that I admire about myself, I learned from one of them. I am the most blessed person in the world. My sincerity and gratitude will never be accurately encapsulated through words. Thank you to everyone. I skipped a few people, but know that you have equally touched my life. It's amazing what you can take for granted if you don't stop to think about the fortune you are blessed with. I love each and every one of you.


I'm wearing a onesie, chucks, and a mexico beanie. I look like a bad ass. and by bad, I mean retarded. There is a girl passed out in my bathroom, another passed out on my couch. life is funny. I reiterate, life is funny. Not funny like comedian funny. funny like tragic comedy funny. haha

kisses to all :)

the details are grizzly... bare with me

I want to cover you in ants, bees, and honey.

I love the new song dirt room by blue october. I've always been a big fan of theirs I encourage others to be the same.

Oh, I don't remember where I saw my eyeliner last, but seeing that video made me wish to rock the eyeliner occasionally just for giggles and shits. whit, lauren, somebody, remind me to buy some and make you put it on me :p

I am sleepy couple weeks and the competition is done. hells to the yeah. then my life changes. drastically. pray and cross your fingers you make the cut kids. My life is about to get amped up a notch. and to those of you that wish to have a more fantastic life. Get the fuck on board. Life is beautiful. Live it as such. I shall be volunteering, travelling, and doing any exciting thing i can come in contact with... One qualm, i invite everybody anywhere i go, that love is never reciprocated. My invites will stop. I'm about to stand up for myself. There's a few that text me, but seriously... have some common courtesy, or don't call me your friend. The end. I am sick sick sick of always inviting people places, but nobody inviting me places. Don't be fuckers. Be nice. Being a fucker is stupid. I have no place for fuckers or stupids in my life. Be nice. that's what friendship is about.

soccer game at the park soon
softball game soon as well
tennis
golf
hiking
trip to arches, zions, etc,
trip to vegas, trip to new york
volunteer experiences
etc.

all open to the public. I am going to start organizing shit and making my life unbelievable. those that want in. get in now, or you'll be left behind at the bus stop.

I will be going through my phone and deleting people, I have no room for unreciprocative, unthankful people. Some of you shouldn't be worried about making the cut. If you are, stop being a cunt, and you'll probably make the cut. Friends are an amazing thing.... if you have amazing friends... and that's what I'm setting out to do in two weeks, if you want on board... hop on... if not, get the fuck off the boat :)

stagnation, procrastination, are the castration of life.

end them.

don't be a complacent, self-centered ingrate, let's get off our asses and take the world by storm.

*end rant*

untitled.

poker is coming along nicely. la vita e bella. I won a freeroll tournament the other day that was open to the 400 people who had played the most hands in the last month. So basically the best of the best, professional players, and some of the best tournament players in the world. I won. decent chunk of change. go me.

3 more weeks or so of poker, then i plan on doing all sorts of things. get ready. Saturday was a ton of fun. Hung out with a dozen of my closest friends. Lovely. Thanks to everybody that came.

my phone is m.i.a. at the moment though, I inadvertently left it behind in Crystal's car. whoops. shittay. someday I will get it back.

I think that is the end of this blog. short and not very exciting or worth it to those that went through it... just like my sex life! ha. jk... kind of.

kisses.

tenacity, vivacity, and audacity.

In the last two weeks, I have played a quarter of a million hands of poker. You may not realize how many that is, so allow me to elucidate.. If I were to play in a casino (on one table because that is all that's possible in a casino... unlike online) for 40 hours a week, it would take 3 to 4 years. 200 weeks or so... I have accomplished this in two weeks. woot woot.

this blog is going to be random... i can tell already.

three of my favorite lines ever from a poem by eavan boland

Flesh is heretic. My body is a witch. I am burning it.

David Copperfield was performing today and tomorrow. I wanted to go. I didn't today, and i can't tomorrow. le sad. (i think that's french for sad). ;)

My brother is going to see blue man group tomorrow. It's his first time. I'm excited for him.

I feel euphoric. I feel sad. It's an odd combination.

I am going to start volunteering random places. Andrew has been volunteering lately. I am going to join him and or do some things on my own. If anybody knows any good opportunities, or would like to accompany me... let me know.

I am going to Dane Cook this Thursday. exciting (and ridiculously overpriced).

In late June, I think that I may go stay in Vegas for a week to a month-ish.

Father's day, I am supposed to go to California with my father. Car show swap meet thingy. I want to buy another car. Probably a mopar muscle car. I probably won't... but if I see the right car or deal. I am doing it.

Things plan on doing in the next couple months: get passport. learn a little bit of origami, sign up for fall semester at the U or SLCC, sign up for match.com so I can actually meet a girl or two (since I am apparently horrible at that nowadays), Memorize a phonetic alphabet up to 100 to improve my memory, Play in a live poker game somewhere in the valley... at least once a month, take another dance class (preferably salsa), organize my wardrobe, etc. etc.

As I am typing this, I am playing 12 tables of poker. I surely have ADHD.

I need to find brown dress shoes.

I have eaten 20 del taco burritos in the last 5 days.

whoever invented the scentsy... I love you.

Angela is going to have her baby soon... yay!

I went through a wave where everyone I knew was having a baby... That wave will end with Janessa. Apparently the new wave... everybody I know is getting married in the next little while

I had a cup of blackberries and a bowl of tea... i found that strange. yes, I typed that correctly. I drink bowls full of tea because cups aren't big enough.

Andrew wrote a new song. It's lovely... he's talented. I wrote some of the lyrics for it. go me :)

I just ate a cinnamon roll. I <3 cinnamon rolls.

I haven't played ping pong in ages. I would like to remedy that in the near future.

I know too many people with the same name. Tons of jenny's (5) tons of sarah's (4) a few brittanys, a few whitneys, a couple angelas. This shit gets confusing :s my phone dislikes it. I hate sending texts to the wrong person.

I'm going to some tao ceremony type thing with my mother tomorrow. Tons of vegetarian fare. yay. Oh, that reminds me, I want to go to the krishna temple one of these sundays when they have potluck vegetarian wonderfulness.

favorite quote at the moment: fortune favors the bold. a maxim to live by.

I want to go to an opera in the very near future. I love the opera...

Playing so much poker and having to concentrate and use so much brain power has been fantastic. I feel smarter than I've ever felt in my life. my brain is very sharp. It makes me smile.

Pitfall to all this poker though... i haven't spoken chinese in quite some time. which sucks... because tomorrow, I will be speaking chinese all day at the tao thing.

For those of you that don't know... I currently have a shaved head. I hope that it grows back by june 6th... I have a wedding to attend.

I have about 750,000 points that I have to redeem at http://www.absoluterewardsstore.com/
I'm not sure what to get... whitney... if you get super bored at work, look through the items on there... you're good at finding cool shit... tell me what I should get. Maybe I'll even get you a hoodie as a thank you :p

there are three songs between them, I have listened to them 178 times in the last four days. I have obsessive personality disorder. It's silly.

the end.

Janessa, Sarah 1, Vince, Robert, Samantha, Brittany Thatcher, Camrann, Joby, Chanda, Lauren, I haven't seen any of you guys in forever, and I miss your faces.. forever meaning months-ish. The rest of my friends, I love you as well... and I'm glad that I've seen you in the last month or so.

May I also take this time to reiterate what a good friend Andrew is. He has been kicking life's ass lately. He was already a great person, but lately, he has continually improved himself, and I am inspired and in awe of what a dedicated, kind, thoughtful brilliant person he has become. and I am proud to say that I know him, proud that he is my friend, and eternally thankfulmore that he is my roommate. He has put up with hermit lane playing poker constantly, kept the condo immaculate, done so many things for me lately, and I am in awe of the person he has become. Love your guts Andrew.

I went to express the other day... and apparently, I tickle many a gay guy's fancy. I was hit on by four men, and it was flattering. Now only if we could get somebody with two x chromosomes to feel the same way.

I got a massage the other day. Oh dear... heaven, I have tasted what you have to offer, and I must say... fantastic.

I am rambling. I dun't care. It's my blog and I'll do what I want!

The last few episodes of house have been very good. Anybody that doesn't watch house... I recommend you do so. from season 1 episode 1 to the current episode. you will thank me later.

Whitney. do you know where the band name saosin comes from... very interesting story. and for the record, Anthony Green screwed up, and it should be pronounced she-ow-shin. It comes from a chinese concept... xiao xin. which directly translates to little heart... but the translation comes from a meaning in chinese of caution, and not becoming too attached to anything in this world because it will eventually end. and Whitney... listen to cinematic sunrise, and isles and glaciers, both great bands. singer from chiodos. great stuff.

your touch, a diazepam injection,
a xanax bar taken in four sections.

I wish to write a poem with those two lines in it.

I also wish to write a villanelle and a sonnet. I'm feeling very poetic as of late.

I want to play basketball or softball. I can't yet. Boo to recovering from surgery.

To everybody that is nice to me, thoughtful toward me, cares for me, has been there for me throughout my life (most of you know who you are), I love you.

I want Indian food. vegetable masala. yum. double yum.

I want to go to the zoo soon.

I was reading through some of my old blog entries... it's funny the twists and turns life takes. Good, bad, neutral. I could have never predicted two years ago where my life would be today. It's amazing. I love life. I can't wait to see what the next two years have in store.

PS i am more ambitious, dedicated, focused, and eager for success than I have ever been in my life. It's the most empowering, positive feeling in the world. I suggest everybody try it.

carpe the motherfucking diem.
create your own destiny.
Life is yours for the taking. never forget it. never become complacent. Strive to make your life everything you want it to be. Start today. No excuses.

Love you all from the bottom of my wonderful, thoughtful, pure heart. :p

Now I must go to bed so I can conquer the world tomorrow.

sieze the day kisses to each and everyone of you.

live your life with tenacity, vivacity, and audacity.