when pigs fly? what about when pigs flu :/

i am progressing nicely as far as facial hair growth goes... for all those keeping tabs. I'll be at the stage of homeless man beard in a week probably. Odd since I'm the opposite of homeless... i don't leave my home. :/ I'll leave it when pigs fly. but i guess that's today because all i hear is pigs flu this, pigs flew that... So apparently those swine learned to take flight, and a lot of people have some promises to fill. Hopefully hell will not freeze over anytime soon, Or we'll have all sorts of strange behaviors going on.

I want some yorkshire tea.

okay. I'm going to play some poker.

hugs and handshakes.

-Lane

trust everyone... but always cut the cards.

i played more poker today than I have in the last 6 months. like literally... man, my brain is fried like kentucky chicken. I will probably keep playing a lot... daily. There's a promotion they are running that makes it too lucrative for me to not play ass loads of poker for the next month and a halfish. Nobody will really see me for the next 6 weeks or so most likely. I plan on playing anywhere from 8 to 16 hours a day, 7 days a week. ten a city. eliminate the spaces. That will be my motto until june 15th when the promotion ends. Aside from that, nothing new. My gall bladder... or where it used to be... hurts :( damnit.

The title of the blog makes sense to, perhaps, none of my readers. I inserted it merely for my pleasure. <---- that sentence sounds dirty. silly. The quote Is essentially my feelings about life, summed up in a cute little poker quote.

Also, since I won't be going out very much in the next month and a half or so, I'm thinking about not shaving or cutting my hair. Not sure how long that will last, but at the moment, I have no intention to shave. I would like to grow a kick ass hasidic jew type beard... perhaps even some payot to go with it. that would be kick ass :)

I wonder if the jazz won... I was too engulged in poker, and I have no clue what the outcome was.

goodnight. kisses.

goodnight kisses in fact.

PS. my roommate is kick ass. kudos to him for putting up with the hasidic jew stationed at the computer and all that incessant beeping and mouse clicking and such.

oh... the gall!

after watching the wrestler, and the majority of milk (which i fell asleep in the middle of), I do not see how in the hell Sean Penn won best actor. Absurd I would say. Probably due to prop 8 not passing or whatever. However, Mickey Rourke was fantastic in the wrestler, and it is a heartwrenching wonderful movie. I would say my third favorite movie I've seen this year (slumdog being first, in bruges being second). As far as the list of 25 goes, I think I am right on track. I also watched standard operating procedure.. I would say if you don't know the story of abu ghraib, it's a must watch. If you do, it's still a good and insightful flick, and it's nice to hear from the faces behind the accusations and the photos. All and all, a good flick, and I'd probably recommend it to anybody with the slightest tinge of interest in how America is perceived by the world, or the issue of torture. Boy in striped pyjamas is probably next on the list.

I had surgery Monday. and a long, detail filled couple weeks leading up to it. Too detailed to get into right here. I feel okay now. Not fantastic, but I'm convalescing nicely. I should be back to 60% or so by monday... and as you well know, my 60% is better than most people's 100 % :p

thank you so so much to everybody that visited me in the hospital... that was so unbelievably kind and thoughtful of you, and you made the stay palatable in the very least, and perhaps even enjoyable. I probably had 20 people visit me, and I am sincerely thankful to each and every one of you. The hospital was also a success in other ways. I got the phone numbers of a nurse and a CNA. Who says you can't be a pimp with your ass hanging out of the end of a hospital gown? :) That surgery room was freezing. My surgery, apparently went like shit. It's supposed to be a routine procedure, but apparently my gall bladder was one of the worst the doctor has ever seen, and more difficult than he anticipated, and then I lost a lot of blood or some shit. So I had to stay longer. I can't really exercise for a few weeks to a month... which makes me sad. My taxes still aren't done. my accountant filed an extension. that's stressful :s

I have been inactive socially for a wee bit as many of you know. Tomorrow, i think I'll go to the canyon inn. come if you're free.

I wrote something else in this blog... it somehow disappeared though. weird. Also, I am random, and I jump around incoherently from subject to subject. It's a gift. don't touch your mustache.

Seriously, where the hell did the other part of what I wrote go? that makes me upset. too upset to retype it i suppose.

my phone is on the fritz again, and I could see it dying any day now. the CNA spilled orange juice on it, and it's acting all strange and such. Somebody remind me to save all of my numbers or import them to my computer. I'm inevitably going to forget, and not have them and be sad and cry a little in my heart and such.

I made the doctor take pics of my gall bladder :) I'm a nerd.

Janessa, you suck for having the bedtime of a 90 year old.

I think I may register for summer classes or fall. hmmm. i should look at a catalog tomorrow.

I have a new found obsession with wearing ties. if you hang

out with me in the near future, you'll probably get to see one of the 12 ties I bought.
blah blah blah, I'm rambling. i should watch colbert and take an ambien.

i'm cold like an igloo. burr.

eskimo kisses

-lane

i always thought women blinked a lot

random facts from various sources
A one ounce milk chocolate bar has 6 mg of caffeine
Of married couples, 70% of men and 60% of women have cheated on their spouse
No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times
The word "lethologica" describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want to remember
The dot that appears over the letter "i" is called a tittle
Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors
There are 50% more males that are left handed compared to females
Charlie Chaplin once lost a contest for a Charlie Chaplin look a like
The markings that are found on dice are called "pips."
People have the tendency to chew the food on the side that they most often use their hand
The slowest growing finger nail is on the thumb nail and the fastest growing is the finger nail on the middle finger
97% of all paper money in the US contains traces of cocaine
Feb 1865 and Feb 1999 are the only months in recorded history not to have a full moon
The least likely day to eat out in the United States is Monday
Cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400
The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is "uncopyrightable."
almost is the longest word in the english language with all the letters in alphabetical order
There is a city called Rome on every continent
The elephant is the only mammal that can't jump Fingernails grow nearly 4 times faster than toenails! Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
Honey is the only food that does not spoil. Honey found in the tombs of Egyptian pharaohs has been tasted by archaeologists and found edible. Months that begin on a Sunday will always have a "Friday the 13th."
Coca-Cola would be green if colouring weren’t added to it.
More people are allergic to cow's milk than any other food. Camels have three eyelids to protect themselves from blowing sand. The placement of a donkey's eyes in its' heads enables it to see all four feet at all times!
The six official languages of the United Nations are: English, French, Arabic, Chinese, Russian and Spanish.
Earth is the only planet not named after a god
Dolphins sleep with one eye open! It is impossible to sneeze with your eyes open
The worlds oldest piece of chewing gum is 9000 years old!
The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds
Queen Elizabeth I regarded herself as a paragon of cleanliness. She declared that she bathed once every three months, whether she needed it or not
Slugs have 4 noses. Owls are the only birds who can see the colour blue.
A man named Charles Osborne had the hiccups for 69 years! A giraffe can clean its ears with its 21-inch tongue!
The average person laughs 10 times a day!An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain

perhaps I should consume a calming cup of chamomile tea

The tea party shit is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. What a stupid, stupid fucking idea. the boston tea party had a purpose. those people were not against paying taxes. Paying taxes is your civic duty if you believe in the concept of society. They were against the idea of paying taxes and not having a voice in the government. The use of this as political pontification and propaganda is stupid. Look at the society we live in. If you want it to continue, taxes are essentail. all this time, effort, and wasting of delicious tea could have been used for something productive. Go out and volunteer in your community, lift a fucking finger and help others out. This symbolism horseshit is ridiculous, it's the only thing the republicans have left to cling to. As George Carlin said, symbols should be left to the symbol-minded. don't be a narrow-minded imbecile. Do something worth your time. If we could get people to organize their efforts into mass public welfare increasing projects instead of wasting their time "tea-bagging" their elected officials, we'd be a better society. what a joke. Don't pay your fucking taxes. I don't give a shit. But don't drive on the fucking roads, attend the fucking schools, Visit the Fucking hospitals, Or expect a mother fucking thing in return. Taxes are essential to society. Now making it more difficult for pricks like Dick Cheney to evade them is what is more important. His subsidiary company of haliburton, kellog brown and root uprooted their headquarters to move them to the cayman islands. Why you ask? To avoid paying hundreds of millions of dollars in federal medicare and social security taxes. If you want to get irate about taxes, hunt these people down. "tea-bag" them if you must. It's these rich fucks that build shell corporations, take their headquarters to the cayman islands etc. that are the problem. If you're smart enough, rich enough, creative enough, or crooked enough, you don't have to pay taxes. take a page from haliburton's subsidiary company if you don't want to pay taxes. These are the things that are wrong with our tax policy. Not taxes. Pay your taxes. Don't be stupid. Or if you want to be a selfish piece of shit like some of these people. move your business to avoid paying taxes. and for hell's sake. Don't waste the fucking tea. I love tea... and you assholes are probably going to drive up the cost for me to have a cup of jasmin tea. And that is frankly not acceptable. I am bitter, and in pain, and watching that filthy rich Sean Hannity talk about the absurdity of taxes and how we pay too much and we're heading for socialism is shit. If he was a poor, starving person, who couldn't find work and needed health care, do you think he would be spouting off at the mouth? no. If you care about the less fortunate then don't bitch about helping them out. If you don't. more power to you, but don't pretend you do. Say I hate poor people, I'm a greedy son of a bitch, and I don't want some of my money taken out to help society. I want every penny for myself. Then, I would respect you. I don't care if you're selfish, that's your perogative. But IF, IF you care about others. then don't bitch. Use your time more creatively and see to it not that these tax dollars aren't paid, but that they do the most amount of good for society they can. The fight is not about paying taxes, it's about using them effectively. Our society is in deep deep trouble now. everybody needs to sacrifice if they want it to recover. Get your selfish heads out of your asses and make the necessary sacrifices. It's not socialism, it's compassion... and common sense.

so long ttys

-sOlong tea tea ys

(yeah, that was a stretch on the oolong. so what... tea-bag me)

what a... I mean e motion picture!

I accomplished many of the goals I set out today. Two of which should not have been accomplished back to back. watching house, and knocking a movie off of the list of 25. Let me start by saying, for those that don't know me very well, I am not the type of person to show emotion, good or bad. It takes a lot to move me one way or the other. An enormous amount. Well, today, I spent three continuous hours in constant tears... and from a television show, and a movie. House, literally moved me to tears, and I thought it was probably the most poignant powerful episode of a tv show I have ever seen. I was absolutely moved by it. So, I don't necessarily want to spoil it for those that do not, have not, or have not yet seen it... but let's say, that it very much tugged at my heart strings in a sad, cathartic, cascade of crying sort of way. So I finish that... I decide to go with slumdog millionaire from the list of 25. Don't watch the two back to back. don't. More tears. These, however, were tears I could barely choke back. I was so touched by this film just on an emotional level, and I must say, At the moment, if you asked me what my favorite film of all time was; the answer would be slumdog millionaire. I found it moving, life-changing, and amazing. Those type of emotional experiences are rare for me... but wow, what a rollercoaster of emotion today. and I think that's a fabulous thing to have every now and then. especially for me.

now; for an objective (though completely subjective) perspective on slumdog millionaire.

I have so much to say about it, I don't know where to start. First of all, I suppose the plot, the progression of the story, and the theme. Few films could aim for the absolute over the top grandiosity of plot that this film did. Few could aim, I would say none, absolutely none, could do it as effectively as this film. I am a sap for romantic story lines, and love conquering all, and the absolute story book ending type stories/movies that are written/produced. Most of them come across as a little cheesy. You just can't have a story like that and get away without being cheesy usually. This is the first part of this films brilliance. If any of you, which I hope all of you are, are familiar with bollywood films, you will understand what I mean. Bollywood films are meant to be over the top, rags to riches, colorful, musical sob stories. This film, as an homage to bollywood style films, is able to get away with the most over the top, romanticized script you could conceive and deliver it in a way that is not the least bit cheesy because of the bollywood backdrop. Genius. Absolute Genius. Typically cliche and forced moments become unforced because of the liberties such a film style allows you. They use these to perfection. Some of the questions he has to answer on the game show are so forced, but so poignant. The 20 million rupee question was the cheesiest, most obvious route you could go to end the film... and I would not have ended it ANY other way. absolutely fabulous.

second, cinematographically speaking, the film is stunning. They take a nearly impossible feeling to capture and through the cinematography, the use of interesting camera angles and wonderfully captured action, they manage to convey the intensity and emotionality of something so foreign to most people (myself included). The slums of India are a very complex, depressing, chaotic, place. Danny Boyle did an excellent job of capturing this. Furthermore, he had a slight tinge of the industriousness, sense of community and optimism that exists in these places that are enough to restore your faith in humanity. and he delicately inserted them without being too over the top.

Editing. Similary well done. Granted, I think the format of the show set up for easy and powerful editing. The seamless transition from past to present by the common thread ,(the questions and the reasons he knew the answer) was done effortlessly and near flawlessly in my opinion. To me it effectively illustrated the theme of destiny that I think they were shooting for. Furthermore, I think it showed the absolute precariousness, randomness, and complexity with which our life is determined. Every thing we ever experience in our life; no matter how minute, momentous, or seemingly unimportant, is inextricably tied to the present circumstances of our life. This to me is reason to live without regret, look at life through a positive filter, and be happy for what you have instead of dwelling on what you wish you had.

The music was fantastic. It was relevant, hip, culturally considered, and ostentatious enough to work as a bollywood tribute. The set, the contrasting colors that serve to elucidate the change from rags (slum) to riches (love/ the lights and cameras of the tv show) was very well done as well.

In my mind, everything in this movie worked. To me, this film was about hopeless romanticism and the beauty of life, and if that resonates with you, this film will as well.

Furthermore, I think this gave interesting insight into the development of india toward prosperity, and it was chronicled well in this film.

The characters were fantastic. The protagonist is obviously somebody that pulls you in, but the brother I think is a complex and wonderful character that showcases the thin line between good, evil, and the subjectivity of the whole thing. Other minor characters were well developed too. I specifically liked the blind girl to which Jamal gives the hundred dollar bill.

I could go on for pages and pages probably. But I absolutely loved it, and I think I'll spend my time watching it again instead of going on for pages. the end shot. the first kiss. absolutely fantastic too. :p

nighty night

-slumdog millionaire over the top romantic movie ending first kisses to all of you :p

ps, perhaps one of the worst grammatically written posts ever. please ignore all that and such.

to do list

ross to get a lemon juicer,
start cleanse
read a bit more about it
see if renter paid me
go to bank.
find out if there is a video that will teach you to play piano
write personalized thank yous to those that made my birthday so much fun
look into buying a late 60s or early 70s muscle car
research engines
find good will hunting
burn music for justin
read through the city weekly for the "best in utah"
look for a place to volunteer.
look on ebay for shirts
get pants back from whit.
laundry
mall to go to the tie store
maybe savers
make a resume so i can find a fun job where I can feel productive and valuable
get taxes together
get tickets to 30h3 concert
download devil wears prada
laundry
organize ipod
3 out of the don't miss movies by tomorrow's end
workout
buy more spring water.
buy deodorant
watch house
go to library
chronicle the last few days of my life in blog form. birthday etc.
get camera download pics for my mom as well as my dad.
i'm sure there is more.

-early bird kissing your worm